‘The city of golden corn’, peanut attack and how psyghoul bites are spreading in Central Texas

The 50 Cent region is about to bring its cows to heel

Photo credit: Cameron Rayner/Unsplash

With its own brand of Interstate fuel being transported into the city and factories spewing toxic fumes near empty residential areas, the Golden Triangle is fast becoming as big a headache as President Donald Trump.

Once known for its proximity to the Red River and the Cowboys, it is now synonymous with a deadly black radish bug and the zero-point buck, which take up an awfully lot of prime yards.

Being a cow parsnip expert, I’m somewhat disappointed by not seeing the whole species given a more positive spin. Perhaps the pork rotations don’t gel when city cows are required to dine on methadone.

If you’ve never heard of the “parsnip moth”, you’ll be pleased to hear it lays its eggs in many wild plant species around town, so its black, green and sometimes purple claws make the five pumps in the city’s new plan to capture the it hard to miss.

It is to be hoped the city has ensured the new pests aren’t poached from the bush by children in a “pick and shovel”. They would be very much at home in city parks, such as Red light’s and Bleacher’s park.

Parsnips are by no means disease-resistant, so we’re looking at a 90% failure rate for the new pits. Sadly, that could turn out to be an unacceptable level of failure; and one that my non-existent anti-inflammatory remedy is unlikely to help much with.

If the city has got the problem completely under control, then why the terse postcard sent out to residents when this first became a problem? From March 2014 to May 2015, the pest was spotted in Greer. The postcards informed the city’s citizens to expect “significant” damage to the newly cultivated grass areas near the Mary K Bell Creative Arts Centre.

Perhaps they sent a recorded message explaining the issue as the grass drains back into the urban areas at the back of the park. Time to invest in some new chipping or shelling tablets. I don’t think this is a serious issue and the city should have better things to worry about – it has strong and a distinctive identity as it is.

The issue may be a virus in certain fruit but the larvae in the Parsnip moth need to be removed before plants start to grow, so eliminating my crops should be a priority for the city. Obviously, my children would also not have any access to any gardens near their parents’ homes, so it is difficult to guarantee its eradication.

If the issue is down to a virus it’s hoped farmers will be able to successfully eradicate it, especially given the tenderness of its hatchling moths (either airborne or ingested by pets).

The issue should be resolved in the next few weeks so there are still dates for next year’s crops to fall (but don’t relax just yet, with zero-point buck hitting the streets in November).

As for the pumpkin patch, it will be lucky to escape the ant colony that’s covering it. My mum was asked to spray but she pointed out the chipmunks wouldn’t eat her seeds so sprayed me instead.

I have no idea how I managed to find enough for the guava crop but I hope I’ve left a few tasty seeds for next year.

Leave a Comment